The Undocumented Powers of Winnie the Pooh
by J T Elroy
Summary: Sephiroth discovers Pooh's honey is actually Mako. An epic battle ensues.


Disclaimer: I don't own any of the locales or characters mentioned here. I did make up "cutejitsu" however. I'm rather proud of myself for that one. You actually can be so cute it literally hurts!

Rating: T for violence.

Word Count: 609

I've been dealing with some serious writer's block lately. I kept coming up with fic ideas, but abandoning them in the draft stage. This was the fate of that spoof with Kingdom Hearts characters. I may go back to that one though, becuase I think its a clever idea. Anyway, a friend of mine told me to write about Pooh and Sephiroth having an epic battle, and suddenly, my creative juices were flowing.

Beta-ed by Eloquent Enkidu. Thanks for that, now my lack of attention to detail doesn't make me look like I've slept through every English class I've ever attended.

Without further adu, here's the fic.

* * *

Sephiroth and Winnie the Pooh stared at each other for what appeared to be an eternity to the onlookers.

Pooh's honey had only recently been discovered to actually be and advanced form of Mako energy, and once Sephiroth caught wind, he embarked on a trail of slaughter and death until he was on Pooh's doorstep.

Pooh refused to give up his Mako so easily, and challenged Sephiroth to a duel.

So the two warriors stared on, searching their opponents' eyes for some hint of fear or uncertainty. Sephiroth was armed with iconic sword, while Pooh was preparing to fight with the art of "cutejitsu." This martial art could only be mastered by the cutest of creatures. Although the true workings of its usage can only be understood by its Masters, it is widely believed that cutejitsu users focus their cuteness energy into various energy attacks. What is known for sure is that during battle the cutejitsu user produces and utilizes small units of solid energy.

Sephiroth struck first. He was incredibly fast, but Pooh's reflexes were fast as well. A small barrier of cutejitsu energy stopped Sephiroth sword a mere foot away from Pooh's body. Pooh instantly counterattacked by jettisoning a cutejitsu ball at Sephiroth. Sephiroth managed to deflect the ball, where its changed trajectory brought into direct contact with Piglet's face. Piglet's head then imploded, leading to a very unpleasant corpse, some vomiting, and Eeyore being covered in blood and brain matter.

The two warrior took no notice of the casualty however. The battle raged on, as Sephiroth continued of deal blows with his sword, and Pooh continued to fight with the pure energy of his cuteness.

For hours the battle continued, the two warriors matched blow for blow, with only the occasional strike managing to breach the others defenses.

The two warriors found themselves on opposite ends of the field once again. The difference was that now they were much more tired, and the field was soaked with blood. Only a fraction of this blood belonged to the fighters. Over the course the battle all but Eeyore and Rabbit had been annihilated by poorly aimed or deflected attacks. Some of the deaths were so graphic, they cannot be described here. I will only say that the only trace of Tigger ever located was his tail, and it was located roughly 2 miles away from where he was standing upon his death.

So the warriors stared on, across the blood-stained field. Pooh had a several deep cuts on his face from Sephiroth's sword which were bleeding stuffing freely. A sphere of cutejitsu energy had managed to hit Sephiroth's right (and therefore unused) arm during the battle. All that remained was a twisted bleeding stump which occasionally twitched.

It was at this point when each fighter revealed their true power. Pooh dropped into a cutejitsu stance that was previously undocumented. As he did so, his pots of Honey Mako began to glow and orbit around his body, as if drawn to him by an invisible force. It was only then that Sephiroth realized what he was doing.

Pooh was casting "Honey." a close variant of the Cetra spell "Holy." Sephiroth had no time to react. The spell quickly enveloped him. No one knew exactly what the spell did to him; Sephiroth was surrounded by a blinding white light while the spell's effects were taking hold. Afterwards, all that was left was some blood, a few long silvery strands of hair, and what appeared to be a toenail.

As far as the onlookers could tell, Sephiroth was no more.

Pooh knew better than to make assumptions, however.


End file.
